I Can Live Without Anything But Not Without Shui
by twent47blue
Summary: Life has endless cycles,endless phases,it keeps changing,what will happen if Yuki finds out that his is about to changed,because of a pinkhaired boy?Characters are OOC. R & R please.
1. Yuki's Meandering

I opened my eyes, blinking a couple of times, thinking where am I and remembered that we were home. I looked at my lover sleeping beside me, even in sleep am the most important person to him, I could tell, by the way he holds me so close to him, the way he murmur my name even in slumber. I inched my face towards him, touching and tracing the lines of his face. Am beginning to really love this person as much as I feared that I would. One day he would realized that, I just hope his feelings for me won't change. I kissed him ever so gently, savoring the feel of his soft lips on mine. The scent of strawberries from his hair, enveloping me like my security blanket. I removed his hand from my side, planted a kiss on his palm, carefully so I won't wake him, got out of bed. Grabbed my cigarettes from the table and walked out of the room quietly.

I walked to my study and turned on my laptop, while I took out a cigarette from my pack. It's not that am in the mood to write something, I just want to write everything am feeling right now. Am not good with words, sometimes they mistook everything I say, it's only Shuichi who gets the right signals and stayed, or I prayed he did. As my laptop booted up, I touched the small sticker picture of our first date. And then I remembered something, lifted my laptop a bit and took out the piece of paper. It was a song Shuichi wrote, he printed it up and forgot about it. I kept it. Not because I think he's got the talent for writing this crap but, the words that he'd written there, he's finally seeing the real me. I chuckled quietly in my own little world, with the most important person in my life right now is next door sleeping and dreaming. Hopefully of me. I sat there. And put the piece of paper back under my laptop. And begun a journal of sorts, writing what I feel for my little brat. Maybe someday when am really well, he would get to read this. But for now, this would be just mine. And mine alone.

I begun...

My dear Shuichi,

I watched you sleeping today. Tracing the lines and curves of your wondrous face. How I love your face. You make me feel so good about myself, having you. I feel so lucky that someone as wonderful as you could love a bastard like me. I regret it sometimes that I often went overboard about pretending that I detested the sight of you when all I really wanted was to hold you in my arms and tell you how much I love you. Why, you might ask do I do such a stupid thing? Brat, my dear brat. This is me, this is the way I am. I hate to admit it, but am a selfish bastard, I hate to realized that one day you would get tired of putting up with me and leave. I hate for that day to come, so I push and push you away, hoping that the more I push, the closer and harder you cling on to me. Am so afraid to lose you. Because I love you, brat, I love you so much! If you only knew what I really feel.

I stopped typing and saved what I wrote. I let out a sigh. Staring at nothing. I sat there and finished my cigarette, waiting for the new dawn, waiting for the new day. Waiting for my brat to wake up and we will start the cycle all over again.


	2. Living My Life With You

Author's Note: Gravitation is not mine nor are the characters, this is an original fiction, nothing to do with the original story or characters, names are only borrowed and inspired for this story. Characters are OOC. Warning, yaoi in some parts of the story. Mature content.

If you only knew how much you really mean to me, how you really are a big part of my life. I've been mean and most of the time stubborn to admit it, but, yes, you are. I watch you when you are sleeping, trying to be careful not to wake you, watching how you look with that smile on your face, and how you will sometimes mumble my name even in your sleep, it makes my heart swell so much, knowing that even in your dreams I'm still in your mind, how you will still cling to me no matter how much I try to show you I despise you and loathe your presence, you won't complain, and you will continue smiling even with tears in your eyes because I just hit you. That you will simply climb back on the bed everytime I push you off or even kick you everytime you try to hold me. How could you love me so much? How could you care so much? What could drive you away from me? What could I do to make your love for me wane? You told me never,that no matter what I do, you will always be there, you will always understand, that no matter how much it hurts, you will just look the other way and still love me and love me even more.

I love you Shuichi. I whispered in your ear. Those are the words that you've been dying to hear from me, but I never had the courage to tell you outright. So am telling you now, hoping that your sleeping form will hear it, hoping the your dream state will understand it. Oh, how I love you chibi.


	3. My Everything

There are one in million chances before I admit to him how much he means to me. Here I am pretending that am not going crazy thinking of him, wishing that he will give in and call. We often have fights, he was always the first one to say sorry even though it was my fault. And me, being the stubborn one, pretends that this little fight is not affecting me at all.

I must have drunk all the beer that I can consume, ate everything that I can get my hands on, watched all the DVDs, all the TV shows I could find, just to keep myself busy, smoked, probably two cartons of cigarette, I wouldn't be surprised if I get diagnosed of lung cancer when I have my annual check up.

I walked to my laptop and booted it up, I laughed manically when his face loomed in my screen, if Shuichi sees this he's gonna drop dead from where he stood, it's his picture, he didn't know I took it, it was our first date, I asked him to wait while I got something from the car, he didn't know that am gonna get my zoom lens and take a picture of the most spectacular view I could ever find…my brat…smiling.

I slumped to the floor and cried. This time I've gone too far and pushed him away. Why do I always do that? Kick him out of the house when he gets to me? I crawled out of my study and climbed up the sofa, am getting a headache, probably from all the drinking and crying I had been doing.

I really can't live without him. No matter how many times I tried to lie to myself, no matter how many times I deny it, the ache in chest tells me otherwise.

"I promise to you I would be nicer. I promise to you I won't kick you anymore. Just come back, come home." I said out loud, really wanting to say it to him, if only I can.

Shuichi is just actually at the park where they first met. He was really so pissed at Yuki this time, he had gone too far, this time he hurt himself when Yuki kicked him out of the house, he had twisted his ankle and he is now limping. And this time he snapped, he cried, I hate you to him several times. And that's when Yuki screamed, I don't want to see you again and slammed the door.

Shuichi saw a figure at the distance, blond hair, glistened by the moonlight, his heart warmed, thinking it was Yuki picking him up.

"Y-Yuki." He called.

But it was a complete stranger who had dyed his hair and not even as handsome as Yuki. When the stranger just walked passed him and gave him a smirked, he remembered the first time they met. And he cried.

Yuki has always been like this ever since they met, this is his true nature, the same way he is this way, because this is how he is. Shuichi thought. He had loved Yuki ever since that first kiss and Yuki had never made any promises in their relationship, but Yuki never had turned him away whenever they make up after a fight or when they were separated a long time before, he always welcome him back, always have him back no matter what.

It's probably half his fault why they always end up fighting, or Yuki would end up kicking him out of the house. Yuki is used to being alone, Yuki is used to living alone. Yuki had a troubled past that's one of the reasons why he is not good with people or relationships, Shuichi grew up in a loving home, with family and friends, Yuki don't have anyone, he had deserted his family long ago. But he bet Yuki is missing him now just as much as he is missing him.

It's almost midnight. Yuki must be worried now. Their fights had never lasted this long. He wiped away his tears and got up, he would go home and apologize or just hold him. He is sure Yuki won't say anything and just hold him, too.

He found the house in complete darkness. He opened the lights, and found him in the sofa. He padded toward him. Looked at the sleeping novelist. His face was dirty, he'd been crying, his shirt was a mess, he saw the beer cans all over the floor, and saw the DVDs lying all over the floor. He was about to put it away, not curious at all, thinking it was his videos of his favorite band but he kneeled on the remote control, and the TV turned on, and the video began to play, he heard his singing voice on screen. He dropped the case, and watched his very first concert at the club where he invited Yuki to come and watch. He taped it! He gathered all the other DVDs, they are his! It's Yuki's hand writing, he labeled and dated them all! He was crying this time, he did love me! He did love me! Shuichi wanted to shout at the top of his lungs. He gathered all of them and put them back in the case, and put them away where Yuki often tell him not to touch, that's why, when he opened the compartment, he also discovered the scrapbooks that Yuki made of his concerts, publicities and write ups. He put them away. And crawled to older man sleeping on the couch. He kissed him, Yuki groaned, "Shuichi." He called out sleepily and went back to sleep, turning to his side. Shuichi could almost feel his heart bursting.

He got up and ran to the bathroom, grab a towel and run under the water and quickly got a fresh shirt from the closet and rush back to the living room. He wipe the smudges on Yuki's face. Yuki groaned and opened his eyes.

"B-Brat?" he asked, and groaned when he tried to get up. Shuichi helped lie back down.

"Yes, its me Yuki." He said, and continued to wipe his face clean and unbutton his shirt. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up and let's go to bed."

When he helped the older man change his shirt, and helped him up, Yuki turned to him, when Yuki noticed that he was limping.

"Did I do that?" he asked gently.

"No, I did it, I'm sorry Yuki if sometimes I'm pest." Shuichi said, smiling at him, helping him lie down on the bed.

"I'm sorry, too, if I pushed you too hard." Yuki said, smiling at him, pulling him, to give him a kiss, Shuichi leaned down and let him touch his face.

"Come to bed, brat." Yuki said, tugging at him. And when Shuichi laid down beside him, Yuki gathered him in his arms and held him tight. Whatever they fight about before, disappeared as Shuichi melted in his arms.


	4. If Am Not In Love With You

I looked at you lying so close to me, and I felt my heart ached. A tear fell from my eye. I want to pounce on you and take you in my arms and hold you so tight and never let you go. I want to absorb you in my system and let you dwell in me so you will always be with me.

I looked at my life, and how it changed because of you. How it began to have meaning because of you. Oh, how I love you so much, oh, how you complete me, my Shui. If am not in love with you, I don't know what this is then. If my heart is lying to me, I hope it won't tell me the truth anymore, I wouldn't know if I can accept it, if the truth is not you.

"Yuki." The brat whispered in his sleep, turned to face me and sleepily reach out to me. My tears flowed like rain. I never thought it could be possible to love someone this much. If he loves me, I love him more. More than words can say, more than actions can show. If only am capable of eloquence to voice out my thoughts, if only am graceful enough to convey my feelings with loving touches and warm kisses. I won't be just a novelist who is good with words but I would be the greatest lover of all times. But when it comes to Shui, I'm lost for words, I'm awkward, and most of the time, I put my foot in my mouth or fall flat on my face and say all the wrong things and do the most wrong moves.

I sighed…touching my chest, hoping the ache would go away. I could hardly breathe with so much love for this boy beside me. Sometimes I think I would go crazy with so much emotions I have for him. Oh, how I love you so, my Shui. My one and only Shui.

I laid back down on the bed, and automatically like a choreography, you snuggled close and put your arms around me. And without you knowing, I melted in your arms, all my defenses down, all my emotions showed. I love you, I love you! I held you so close, and kiss your lips so earnestly, I hope this way you would know how much to me, I hope this way would show how much you are the very meaning of my life.

The brat woke up with a start as he felt my lips on his, "Yuki?" he asked, sleepily.

"Make love to me, brat, I need you." I said, softly, looking at him with still wet tears on my face. Shuichi didn't know if it's the intoxication or a nightmare that made Yuki sound this way, but it never mattered to him, just as long as Yuki wants him, he would do anything for him. The brat rose and laid on top of the older man, and began kissing him ever so gently. And Yuki closed his eyes, and groaned, his heart beating so fast, he couldn't breathe. He was panting.

"Are you okay, Yuki?" Shuichi asked when he felt the novelist stiffened underneath him.

Yuki hugged him tight, "Yes, I am now. Because you are here." Yuki said, and that made Shuichi's heart melt. And the two made love like they never made love before, with so much tenderness, with so much emotions, that night, Yuki is in his true form, uninhibited, all Eiri, just Eiri. He doesn't need words, Shuichi heard his unspoken words through his kisses, through his touches. He also knew that the older man is sober and he is finally showing him how much he cared for him. All those scrapbooks, all those DVDs, all those CDs, its all Yuki's doing. And here he is now, showing to him how much he really meant to the novelist. If tonight was dream, Shuichi wished he would never wake up. If tonight is real, Yuki wished it would never end.


	5. Not An Angel

Shuichi clutched his mobile phone, looking at the dozen miniature pictures of the couple glued there. He was so hurt about what Yuki had said. The brat had done everything for the older man. And he had asked just one small thing and Mr. Cold not only bluntly turned him down but even insulted him. Shuichi cried. Yuki has always been mean to him but this time it really hurts, because before, he knew that Yuki was only teasing and this time, he can see on Yuki's face that he is serious, this time, he meant every word he said. Tears flowing down his face continuously. Why is he so cold? Why is he so mean? Shuichi asked himself. He just wanted to share something with the novelist, something or one thing they could have in common. And when he asked the ultimate question, not only Yuki flared up but slammed the door on his face.

"Do you really love me, Yuki?" He asked, looking at those wondrous golden eyes which is now cold as ice.

"I got no time for your stupid games, brat." Yuki said, in reply about his love.

A song. Shuichi had asked if they could write a song together. And Yuki bluntly turned him down and told him the same thing he told him since the first time they had met, "Give it up, brat. You've got zero talent." And stormed out of the room and slammed the door on his face.

Slowly Shuichi got up, he went to his old room, which is now the guest room, walked to the closet got his old tote bag, went in the bedroom they shared for the last couple of years, went to their closet and gathered some clothes, underwear and other stuff he would need. When he finished packing, he walked back to the den, fished out his precious phone and put it on the table. Slowly, without another word or movement to the novelist in the study, without even a note, walked out of the house they had share as a couple.

Yuki stopped typing. He couldn't concentrate. It's so quiet. He is not used to that. He let out a sigh, got up and went to see if the brat is still sulking. He was surprised that the boy isn't there.

Tsk…went to the bedroom to check if he is in bed. The bed is empty. Pissed off now. He picked up the phone, dialed the number he knew by heart. He almost dropped the phone when Shuichi's mobile started ringing in front of him. It kept on ringing until he let it switch to voice mail, "Yuki! Yuki! Yuki! I love you! I love you Yuki! Please leave me a message." The brat shouted excitedly with so much love, with so much warmth. And he disregard those feelings like it's nothing. After all what the younger man had done for him.

Shuichi. Oh, Shuichi. He fell to his knees. What have I done? He asked himself.

Yuki fell asleep on the couch, not realizing that he had laid down. He wanted to call Hiro and asked if Shuichi is there. But Shuichi left his phone. Letting him know he didn't want to be found. Stupid brat. He said to himself and went back to the study to continue working. Fine. He said, slamming the door behind him angrily.

Yuki couldn't determine where the boy had gone if he is coming back or not. His clothes and little possession are gone. All that are left are stuff he hardly use. Like an old, torn jacket, a faded shirt.

In a short span of time, they had made a life together and for the first time in his life, Yuki doesn't know if he can go on without the boy.

The phone rang in his hand, he fumbled with it and almost dropped it.

"Shuichi!" he cried, without even a hello or to ask who it was. Tears streaming down his face.

"Eiri sama?" a female voice asked, it's his editor. "Are you alright?" she asked, concerned.

"No, am not." Yuki replied. "I need to take a leave." Gripping the phone tighter.

"Why?" she asked, concerned. "You have a press conference tomorrow and a book launching next month. Is there something wrong?" she said.

"Something came up, very important. You can have the press conference and the book launch without me. I have three books done that you can pick up today and I just mailed you two more prints. Please help me out on this. I just really need to go." Yuki said, desperately, gasping for air, a whole day without Shuichi, as if he is lacking and needing air.

"Is your health okay, Eiri sama?" his editor asked, worriedly. "I could do all those you asked me but are you okay? You want me to get you and take you to the hospital?"

"I'm okay, thank you for your concern." He replied. I just needed to find my life…my air…my reason for existence. I'm not gonna last without him.

"Okay, please keep in touch." She said.

"I will." Yuki said, and hung up the phone. He just realized something. He can really carry a conversation like any normal person, why can't he have it with his partner in life? Partner? Yes…that's what Shuichi is really in his life. A partner…his better half.

He rushed to the bathroom and took a shower. He packed a couple of shirts and rush out of the house.

Yuki can't be inconspicuous even if he try. He is tall, with golden hair and arresting light eyes. He is always mistaken for a foreigner. But this time Yuki made an effort to disguise himself.

A baseball cap and dark glasses, he changed his appearance, too, wearing a denim jacket and jeans. He looks like his brother, Tatsuha now with golden hair or any younger man hanging out at the café in front of the NG Building.

His eyes was on look out for a pink haired younger man who would be stepping out of the building.

And there he is. Yuki knew that Shuichi won't be staying with Hiro. He also knew that Shuichi won't tell anyone at work that they are having a difficult time. Shuichi stayed in the corner until everyone was gone. Yuki got in his car. He followed the cab that took Shuichi to a modest inn a few blocks from their place. He watched and waited. When Shuichi got his keys from the front desk and was on his way to the elevator. Yuki came out of his hiding place and walked to the front desk.

Shuichi sat down at one of the booths of the hotel, he wasn't in the mood to go out, knowing if he sees their house he might chicken out and go home. He missed Yuki's cooking, he miss going home and sharing a bed with the novelist, he miss looking at Yuki's face, he even miss Yuki yelling at him to shut up. He tossed and turn all night, couldn't sleep. He was thinking that he made a mistake, that Yuki has always been that way, because he is just being himself, being Yuki. He had to make an extra effort to wake up early and be there at the corner of their house so that K wouldn't be suspicious, the blond man was surprise that the boy was up and was already downstairs waiting for him but he didn't say anything, pretended to release the safety lock of his magnum and pointed it at the boy and shoved him in the van.

"Konbanwa, what would you have for this evening, sir?" the waiter asked. Shuichi shot a glance at the voice, and he saw that familiar face.

"Yuki! What are you doing here?" he asked surprised to find his lover in a waiter's uniform, but there's something different about him.

"Pardon me, sir?" the waiter leaned forward, with a quizzical look on his face.

Shuichi stared at the man, he does look so much like Yuki, but his hair is shorter, and his eyes are blue, and on his name plate, it says his name is Alex. He is an American then and he speaks a very good Japanese.

"Ummm….I will have the rice balls and hot tea, please." The boy said, not daring to steal another look at the waiter who looked so much like Yuki.

Shuichi didn't get to eat, he kept glancing up at the handsome waiter who really looked so much liked Yuki. The waiter kept smiling at him every time he caught the boy looking. The waiter even winked at him which made Shuichi blushed.

Shuichi was restless after a meal so he decided to go have a walk to the park. And he was so surprised to find the waiter in his street clothes sitting in one of the benches, a bento box in hand, a cigarette dangling on his mouth. The man nodded at him, so Shuichi decided it's okay to walk over to him.

The man motioned for him to sit down. Shuichi sat down, still staring at the man. This guy is probably Yuki's age, a collage student on a part time job. He dresses different, denim jacket, a white t-shirt, jeans and sneakers. Yuki don't own a regular t-shirt, all he's got in his closet are slacks, dress shirts and turtle neck, he dresses like a young professional which suits his line of work as a renowned novelist. But this American guy who worked at the restaurant of his hotel, is the other version of his lover, laid back, carefree and simple. He is really like Yuki's twin, an American version of Yuki with blue eyes.

"S-Sorry about my outburst at the restaurant awhile ago." He said, blushing.

The man smiled and offered him a cigarette, Shuichi shook his head, "Thank you, I don't smoke."

"It's alright, it happens all the time, they said, I looked liked that playboy and arrogant novelist, Yuki Eiri." Alex said, Shuichi was staring, it's still is hard for him to realized a foreigner who is so good with Japanese like it is his native tongue. He switch words from Japanese to English once in awhile and Shuichi only know a couple of words he hears from Yuki every now and then.

Shuichi's brows furrowed in anger, "Yuki is not a playboy and he is not arrogant!" Shuichi said. Alex chuckled.

"How would you know?" Alex asked.

"Because he is my-" he cut himself short, when he remembered he walked out on Yuki. He bowed his head.

"I know him personally." Shuichi said, quietly, tears were threatening to well up his eyes.

Alex handed him a strawberry drink while he opened a can of beer. "Want to talk about it? My friends kept saying that am a good listener." Alex said, gently, that's another thing, Yuki will die if he says he's gonna listen to you or give you advice and the weirdest of all, Yuki didn't seem to have any friends at all.

Shuichi looked up, and tears started pouring down his face. He wished he could run to Yuki now and tell him he is sorry.

"Yuki is my boyfriend." He said. And Alex didn't say anything, just sat there, looking at him.

"We had a fight over something silly, I wanted to share something with him but, I kept forgetting that Yuki is grumpy when he has a deadline or he had just pulled a three-day all-nighter." Shuichi began.

The boy looked at the man who looked so much like Yuki, he really wish he could talk to Yuki this way, probably there would be less fights and they would be sharing more about each other this way.

"So, where's Mr. Eiri now?" Alex asked, putting a hand on his shoulder, peering at him. Shuichi looked up, and he almost lost himself, thinking it was really Yuki in front of him, but, when he said, Mr. Eiri he almost laugh, Mr. Eiri, haha, Yuki would kill this guy if he calls him that. But what can he do he is American after all.

"Oh, he is probably at home." Shuichi replied.

"He is not looking for you or even worried?" Alex asked, in surprise.

Shuichi was silent, "I don't know. For almost half of our lives, I really don't know what Yuki really feels, to me, or to our relationship. He is not a bad person and I understand that he had been through a lot, it would take him some time to accept me in his life, that I'm here now and I want to stay." Shuichi said, if only he realized that Yuki himself is hearing every thing he had been dying to tell the novelist. "But sometimes I wish he would let me in or tell me what's really on his mind or call me by my real name or tells me he loves me and not just calling me stupid and all those nasty things he calls me whenever we're together." Shuichi said.

Alex let out a sigh, discarding his empty box and beer can at the nearest thrash bin. "Everything will work out fine, All you really need is time to sort things out, Mr. Shindou." Alex said, getting up and stretching.

Shuichi looked up, surprised, "How did you know my name?" he asked.

Alex smiled at him. There….that smile….so much like Yuki when he does smile, it lights up his entire face.

"You signed your name with your room number at the restaurant." Alex said. Shuichi chuckled. Alex extended his hand to Shuichi, "It was a pleasure having this talk with you, Mr. Shindou. My name is Alex, by the way." He said.

Shuichi looked up, and shook his hand. "Thank you Alex kun. You were a big help." Shuichi said.

Shuichi stayed at the hotel for almost a week and he had become friends with that waiter, Alex. He almost completely forgot about Yuki. After work, they would go to the park and talk or just sit there, sharing a quiet moment watching the stars. He only was brought back to reality when the president called him to the office.

"Shindou san, have you any idea where Eiri san went?" he asked the singer, without even bothering to offer him a seat.

Shuichi was surprise, he never thought it would come to this. He wracked his brain trying to think of the best excuse, and he remembered the book launch.

"I-I believe Yuki has a book launch, he is probably busy attending all those functions." Shuichi replied. And that answer seemed to satisfy the president.

"Oh, I see, I had been trying to get a hold of him for almost a week now, no one is answering the phone or the door." Tohma said. Shuichi just nodded absent-mindedly, worried now that something might have happened to Yuki.

He was hesitant to go and check on Yuki, he didn't know what Yuki's reaction would be. So he decided to just call him. Like Tohma said, the phone kept on ringing and ringing. He was getting frantic now, what if Yuki had an accident? What if he had one of those dizzy spells again and he is not there to help him? Tears welled up his eyes, gripping the phone tighter, his knuckles white, his face pale.

"Y-Yuki? Are you there? Please answer the phone, I'm worried about you. Please let me know if you are alright." He asked hopefully but no one answered the phone.

He waited by the park for Alex, he didn't see him at the restaurant. He waited for an hour, the American didn't show up. So he walked back to the hotel and went straight to the front desk and inquired about Alex.

"Alex kun?" the receptionist asked, with a puzzled look on her face. "We don't have a waiter by that name, and yes, no foreign staff here." She said.

Shuichi was shocked, how could that be? They had been seeing each other everyday for the last week, he works at the restaurant. The manager stepped out hearing the conversation.

She smiled at Shuichi, "There was a waiter named Alex, he was hired part-time because one of our staff got an errand, and we needed help but Alex is gone now, our staff already returned back to work so we don't need him anymore." The manager said.

First it was Yuki now it's Alex. He walked sadly back to his room, he's got one more week at the hotel, so he decided to stay and think for awhile before going back home. Everyone noticed the sudden changes in Shuichi.

"Are you alright, Shui? Did that bastard kicked you out of the house again?" Hiro asked.

Shuichi looked at him, "I'm okay, and Yuki is not a bastard! He is a nice person once you get to know him." Shuichi snapped. Hiro was surprised at his best friend's reaction. It must be something really serious. So Hiro just nodded and left him alone.

When Shuichi went back home, he was hesitant to use his key, so he rang the door bell. No answer. It's almost a month since he stayed at the hotel, and Alex had helped him mature and understand his lover better. He frantically dug out the keys out of his pants.

"Yuki, am coming!" he called, barging in the house.

The house was quiet. The kitchen light was open, there was food on the table, a table for two, but Yuki didn't eat, everything is still there. He walked to the bedroom, expecting the worse. Yuki was there, sleeping on the bed. Shuichi let out a big sigh of relief. He tiptoed next to Yuki's side of the bed, he saw that Yuki was clutching something in his hand, it was his mobile phone so he got his message.

He knelt down beside the bed, tears pouring down his face, he missed him. He thought he will never see him again, he promised himself he will not come back here, but he can't. Yuki is his life, he live and breathe because of this man, there's no one or nothing far more important to him right now than this man right here.

Shuichi touched his arm gently, wanting and eager to feel him. Yuki stirred. Shuichi covered his face in fear that Yuki will wake up and Yuki will get mad at him for abandoning him for almost a month.

But instead, he felt himself being lifted up, gentle hands holding him, "Shuichi, welcome home, Shui han." Yuki said, and when Shuichi looked up there were tears on his lover's eyes. And Yuki gathered him in his arms, both of them finally found what they were looking for. Both of them finally gone back where they are supposedly be and when Yuki captured his lips, Shuichi knew that he is finally home.

Later that night, he was watching Yuki sleeping, they had made loved all night, couldn't get enough of each other. And Yuki had been gentle, always touching his face, kissing him, asking him if he is alright or if he is satisfying him, things and stuff Yuki had never done before. He wanted to ask if Yuki had hit his head and that's the reason he is acting so weird. Shuichi noticed the changes in Yuki, he calls him by his name now, and yes, termed him as his better half. He was brushing Yuki's hair, playing with it, when he noticed that Yuki's hair was a little short. Did he just had a haircut? With his hair like this, he looked liked that American waiter friend of his, too bad, they won't be able to meet because Alex went home without even telling him goodbye.

The next day, Yuki was doing the laundry, Shuichi was still in bed. He got his overnight bag he forgot to unpack. He whirled around to see if Shuichi is there. He opened the bag, touched the clothes inside gently and Yuki smiled. He folded back the denim jacket, jeans and shirt. He got the name tag, he flipped it over. Alex. The name plate says under the name of the hotel where Shuichi stayed for a month. He touched it fondly. He used his charm on the staff of the hotel to give him a job at the hotel, he said he would do anything, and he told the manager he was doing a research, that they don't need to pay him, just let him work. Business was kind of slow and the manager was falling for the Yuki charm that she consented at the novelist's unusual request. It was an experience they both needed and made them more close to each other.

He rubbed his eyes, it was hard getting used to the contact lenses but it was an experience he won't forget and he would do it all over again, if he has to, for his life…for his Shui han…his better half. He looked up at the clock on the wall, K would be banging on their door in half an hour, so he put their clothes in the wash and went to the kitchen to make Shuichi his favorite strawberry pancake.

Shuichi was a little bit overwhelmed at the changes his lover is showing him but he promised himself he would not go and just run out of him again. He didn't think he's going to survive that if he didn't meet that American guy by accident.

Yuki was at the sink washing the dishes when Shuichi padded to the kitchen sleepily. Shuichi rubbed his eyes. "Go hurry up if you're going to eat, K would be here any minute." Yuki said, his back still turned to Shuichi. And Shuichi stared at the back of his lover's head, like this with a loose shirt on, and corduroy pants, he is reminded of Alex.

Shuichi nodded and attacked his pancakes, "Thank you, Yuki." He said, happily, Yuki made his favorite. Yuki dried his hands and walked over to the brat, ruffled his hair, smiling. Shuichi caught his breathe in his throat, just now, he fell in love with the man all over again. Yuki put a piece of paper beside Shuichi.

"Here…I started something, Shui. Check it out when you have time, and then add some more to it and let's review it together after." Yuki said, pushing a lyric sheet beside the boy. Shuichi was speechless.

He looked at Yuki. What is this? An epiphany? Yuki just smiled, ruffled his hair again. "Call me later when you're off work, I will pick you up. Let's go out to dinner later." Yuki said, and leaned down and planted a kiss on the boy's lips, Shuichi melted, his eyes filled with tears.

"Y-Yuki? Are you alright?" he asked, worried now, his lover is acting so weird.

Yuki nodded, "Am still tired, I just finished my novel. Am going back to bed. Go take your shower, K will be here soon." Yuki replied, and walked out of the kitchen. Shuichi nodded, still couldn't believe that these are all happening right now, that Alex is somehow a voice of an angel and knew that this is gonna happen, and came down from heaven to deliver him the message.

Shuichi stood by Yuki's bedside, watching the novelist in his unguarded moment, so handsome, he thought, and now, Yuki is finally accepting the fact that he has Shuichi in his life. The boy was so happy, he could burst, he felt an ache in his chest, he leaned down and kissed him. He was expecting the man to shove him away or yell at him, but instead, Yuki pulled the boy to him in an embrace, and return the kiss even more sweeter and hotter that Shuichi groaned, feeling a stirring inside of him.

"I love you, Yuki." Shuichi said, holding Yuki's neck tight. Yuki wrapped his arms around the boy.

" I love you, too, Shuichi." Yuki replied, and Shuichi cried, he had been dying to hear that, even if he didn't these past few hours with Yuki like this, he was already content, having him say it out loud like that, he felt he died and went to heaven.

"Hey." Yuki said, gently, gathering his chin, making him face the older man. "We'll make it work this time, okay? Better get used to these, there will be more coming, brat." He said, affectionately, smiling.

Shuichi held him tighter. If he was dreaming, he didn't want to wake up. He looked at Yuki again. Silently thanked his unofficial angel named Alex. With one last kiss, Shuichi went to work with wings at his heels.

Owari


End file.
